Influencers and self-development gurus who have flooded the online environment preach a form of positive psychology that can do more harm than good.
When you’ve had a bad day, or even a bad year, have you ever turned to friends or family only to be met with a „wall” of sterile reassurances like „there’s no perfect world” or „everything happens for a reason”? Maybe you’ve encountered a boss who kills your enthusiasm to talk about a long-standing problem when you see a message on their door saying „Only positive vibes!” Or you’ve come across one of the countless self-help books or TikTok gurus promising that a happy life depends solely on a positive affirmation.
It's easy to understand why the idea that you can achieve happiness and success on your own with a positive attitude is so appealing. Even if the claims made by influencers and various gurus seem ridiculous and exaggerated, many might think, after all: "How bad can they be?"
The pressure to be unrealistically optimistic in the face of all obstacles poses a threat to personal and collective balance. That's why some experts have begun to consider that the modern cultural insistence on always being cheerful is a form of toxic positivity, writes Lucas Dixonis, a researcher and professor at the University of Queensland, Australia, in an article published by Psyche.
Dixonis experienced toxic positivity when he was a counseling intern and had a supervisor, a woman, who believed that negative thinking is a form of illness manifestation.
She believed that people needed to rid themselves of negative beliefs and memories and maintain a positive attitude to stay healthy. In a group session, when another intern announced that their cancer had returned, she immediately shut them down: "Oh, you keep bringing up these things, enough!" The poor intern, deeply affected, never attended another session.
A Kernel of Truth and a Tangle of Problems
Toxic positivity doesn't come out of nowhere. There is a kernel of truth in the idea that a positive mental attitude can be beneficial. In fact, there is an entire field of research dedicated to these benefits - it's called "positive psychology."
Research in this area has shown that people with a more positive and optimistic outlook on life are usually more detached, less stressed, less depressed, and generally enjoy better health and a better mood. Additionally, positive individuals are more attractive to others, and the resulting social benefits are also key to a good mood.
However, scientists have criticized findings in positive psychology for being exaggerated or too simplistic. It's important to understand that positive psychology sessions tend to help those who are already mentally healthy the most.
In other words, people facing intense psychological problems or negative life circumstances probably won't reap the same benefits from positive psychology compared to pursuing more targeted treatments, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy.
It's worst when people take positive thinking to the extreme and believe it's the answer to every problem. Unfortunately, millions of people receive this overly simplistic message about positive attitude, the author points out.
Online influencers often promote this superficial version of positive psychology. For their numerous followers, such portrayals become the benchmark of what we should all strive for in life.
After absorbing these idealized norms about positive attitude, people may come to believe that their natural reactions to difficult, inevitable life experiences (whether it's grief, job loss, pandemics, or relationship failures) are wrong. They risk developing avoidance habits: consistent denial, suppression, or avoidance of difficult thoughts and emotions.
Life Doesn't Always Require Positive Thinking
Of course, it's good to put on a happy face to get through a tough meeting or to positively reinterpret a situation to cope with momentary troubles, but at some point, we all need to stop and address our problems.
Avoidance can reinforce the idea that there are "bad" inner experiences that need to be avoided. But it's not so easy to avoid our inner experiences. "Have you ever tried not to think about a purple elephant? Experiments have shown that when people try to do this, they end up thinking about it more, not less," explains Dixonis. This gives more weight to the old idea of Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung that "what you resist... persists," he adds.
Categorizing certain thoughts or emotions as "good" or "bad" can also create an unwanted cycle of self-judgment and guilt for nonexistent mistakes.
Additionally, the extra effort and energy spent avoiding certain things by thinking positively can cause stress.
Paradoxically, this stress puts us in a difficult position for the same reasons we try to avoid by thinking positively.
A study showed that people whose approach involves avoiding problems reported more stressful life situations four years later and more depression symptoms ten years later.
Trying to suppress negative emotions has also been linked to physical health problems and potentially even premature death.
Not all situations in life require positive thinking. There are times when sober, uncomfortable reality is useful.
For example, negative feelings or experiences could motivate someone to seek a diagnosis and treatment for an illness, address mounting debt, or end a toxic relationship.
Sometimes, we need to confront the uncomfortable aspects of our lives. Carl Jung suggested that striving for moral perfectionism denies the more complex, less socially acceptable parts of our personality and that this can hinder self-acceptance and development.
Similar issues arise when we project rigid positive standards onto others. The "only positive vibes" mindset can hinder open and empathetic communication in social and professional environments.
For instance, emphasizing positive vibes in the workplace may discourage some colleagues from expressing their concerns and may leave real issues unaddressed. The same goes for our close relationships - sometimes, people just need to be listened to.
Accepting the full spectrum of human emotions, including those that are uncomfortable or painful, is vital for genuine connection and understanding.
When Positive Thinking Means Lying to Yourself
So, how can we find and maintain the thin line between effective positive attitude and excessive, toxic positivity? Unlike what you find on TikTok, the answer is nuanced, as Lucas Dixonis shows.
Let's take a look at the positive affirmations and visualization techniques that are so popular among social media influencers.
Research suggests that positive affirmations (such as repeatedly reminding yourself of things you're good at or what you like about yourself) can indeed help people feel better about themselves, but the benefits are mainly seen in those who already have a higher self-esteem.
For those with very low self-esteem, positive affirmations can backfire, making them feel worse. This adverse effect may stem from cognitive dissonance that occurs when positive affirmations contradict someone's self-image - if a statement like "I love everything about myself" is clearly a lie, not only does it make you remember all the things you don't like about yourself, but it makes you feel like a liar.
Instead of aiming for constant positive attitude, the lesson recommended by many modern psychological approaches - such as acceptance and commitment therapy and dialectical behavioral therapy - is based on the importance of accepting and understanding how things are.
These focus on helping build a more compassionate and reconciled relationship with our inner experiences. The strategy can work because when we reduce negative judgment, the "bad" thoughts and feelings paradoxically have less power over us, allowing us to detach more quickly from inner experiences without expending so much energy trying to remove them altogether.
The key might be the ability to balance a positive perspective with accepting how things are. "This reminds me that the Alcoholics Anonymous prayer is as relevant today as it was in the first half of the last century: 'Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference,'" writes Lucas Dixonis.
How can you find the wisdom to know the difference? Everyone has their own path, and this effort is always ongoing, but the professor offers some suggestions based on his research and experiences in self-help:
- It is useful to notice when you feel pressure from others to be positive, whether it's your friends, family, colleagues, or celebrities on social media. You might notice this when using social networks, comparing yourself to others, for example. In these situations, it's important to remember that what you see is actually a curated and selective version of how people live their lives. Remember, that's not the whole story there!
- When people or groups value a positive attitude and demonize the expression of negative thoughts or emotions, this is a warning sign. Sometimes, these strict moral rules are used to suppress dissent and criticism. This is not very healthy in the long run, as it stifles authentic expression and hinders change. It's good to remember that there are times and places where negative thoughts and experiences can actually be useful.
- A positive attitude can manifest spontaneously in different ways for each of us. It could be when you volunteer, sing music, walk the dog, take a course, talk to a friend, or sincerely hug someone dear. Find out what makes you feel this way and give yourself the opportunity to do it more often. For many people, this gentler approach to being happier every day is more effective than adopting a certain mindset or necessarily thinking "correctly" to be happy.
T.D.